Are you living your life or someone else's?

by Colleen Canney - Career, Life, and Wellness Coach

This piece was inspired by the following passage in Robin Sharma’s book "Discover Your Destiny":

“So live the life that you are meant to life. Your life is far too important to wait until you are just about to die to wake up….On your deathbed, the only person you’ll have to answer to is the person you look at in the mirror every morning. You’d better be true to him.”

A number of years ago I met a very bright young man who worked for one of the leading consulting firms in the country. During my initial meeting with this man I sensed there was a major internal struggle brewing within him. Physically he was present and sitting right in front of me but emotionally and spiritually he seemed dead. I sensed this man wasn’t at all passionate about his job and it was draining the life out of him. At one point I think this man was quite alive but then something happened. He stopped living his own life and lost his sense of self.

This young man had a strong desire to attend medical school and leave the finance profession. He studied hard for the MCAT and received an impressive score. After applying to a number of medical schools he was accepted to the top medical schools in the country. After disclosing his decision to leave his job and attend medical school, he received much resistance from his boss and family. This man was a top performer and his boss was going to do everything in his power to dissuade him from leaving. The boss could have realized this young man should fulfill his dreams and attend medical school but instead the boss was selfish and only looked out for his own interests. He didn’t want to lose the star performer, even though the star performer’s heart wasn’t in the job. The young man’s family also didn’t think medical school was the right choice for a number of reasons, all of which they made sure to list over and over to their ambitious son.

The acceptance letters to the top medical schools in the country sat on the young man’s kitchen table. His heartstrings were being pulled in a number of different directions. In his heart of hearts he knew becoming a doctor would be in alignment with his soul’s calling but then again, maybe he was wrong? Maybe his boss and family knew what was best for him? The young man was plagued with uncertainty and self-doubt. Staying in his current job meant he wouldn’t be letting his boss or family down. He couldn’t let people down. Throughout his life he had learned you must please others. What this young man didn’t realize was that he was letting down the most important person in the world: himself. After living a life of constantly trying to please others he lost sight of putting himself first.

Another year passed and the young man decided he couldn’t bear the pain of staying in his job. He just went through the motions but his heart just wasn’t in the job. He would work long hours, hoping success in his job would extinguish the fire of pain he felt on a daily basis. Work would temporarily numb his pain but then the pain would resurface and eat away at him, often waking him in the middle of the night. After hitting rock bottom he decided to give his notice and take some time off to find himself. He wanted to take a trip around the world and reconnect with the self he once knew.

The young man felt a wave of relief after giving his notice. It was as though the shackles had come off and he experienced a pure happiness he hadn’t felt in a long time. The feeling reminded him of when he was a little boy running wildly through the fields while watching his kite fly eagerly behind him along the clear blue skyline.

Then the young man’s boss and family intervened once again. Words of temptations were spoken. He was told by his boss, “Stay and you will receive a huge raise, bonus, and promotion.” His father said, “Son, you can’t just leave your job. How irresponsible of you. What are you thinking? How selfish of you. What will others think of our family when they find out you just left your high profile job to travel the world?”

Once again the young man’s heart strings were pulled in different directions. Once again the young man questioned whether or not he knew what was best for him. If he stayed in his job and received a promotion, raise, and large bonus, he would make his father proud and his boss happy. He would be making the safe decision. Leaving his job and taking a trip to follow his heart was a risk and he wasn’t much of a risk taker. He was taught taking risks were for foolish men. Traveling the straight, narrow, and known path in life was the smart way to live life, at least according to his father.

The young man thought maybe he just needed a new challenge and the promotion would awaken the passion within him. After a long and sleepless weekend he returned to the job he wasn’t passionate about and told his boss he was staying. He then called his father and told him the news. His father responded with, “Son, you made the right decision. I knew you wouldn’t let the family down.”

Whenever I think of this young man, my heart sighs and cringes. I pray that one day this young man wakes up and follows his heart. Not following your soul’s calling means dying a slow death while you are alive. This may sound dramatic but I have yet to find a truly ALIVE person who isn’t following their soul’s calling. So ask yourself the following questions:

1) Am I living the life I always imagined for myself? If not, why not?

2) What changes do I need to make to create the life of my dreams?

3) Have I lived my whole life trying to please others instead of pleasing the most important person (myself) in the world?

4) Do I constantly worry about letting other people down instead of being true to myself?

Email Colleen Canney

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