Dealing with difficult people at work

by Colleen Canney - Career, Life, and Wellness Coach

We have all come face to face with wild animals at work. Sometimes these animals catch us off-guard and we aren’t prepared. Due to our lack of preparation, we become paralyzed with fear, unsure of what to do.

Other times we see the wild animal coming towards us because they can be larger than life, much like Black Bears or a Bengal Tigers. Our defense mechanisms then become activated and we are ready to protect ourselves no matter what. Other times we may just shut down because the wild animal sucks the living life out of us merely by its piercing gaze. Finally, in the absolute worst case scenario, we may succumb to a full out emergency sprint, trying desperately to run away from the wild animal.

What is this wild animal at work? It’s the not so attractive part of someone who does any of the following: feels the need to control everyone and everything, feels the need to name every single famous person he or she has ever me, feels the need to never show a sign of weakness, feels the need to talk at length about every single accomplishment every made, feels the need to put other people in their place, feels the need to always be right, feels the need to be someone he or she is not, and finally, the wild animal feels the need to exhibit extreme hubris. As you probably guessed, wild animals are egos.

While I am being bit tongue-in-cheek about dealing with egos at work, interacting with egos on a daily basis can make your life a living hell if you do not learn how to deal with them effectively. When I am dealing with someone who possesses a supersize ego, I remind myself that a person is not his or her ego. I see the ego as protective armor and I look beyond the armor. Much like the purpose of wearing armor, our egos emerge as a form of protection. When we feel threatened, insecure, and not our “best,” our egos come out from hiding.

By changing our view of egos, we can learn to become indifferent to them. We will no longer react, take the ego’s actions personally, or feel the need to engage in full on battle with the ego. Instead we will ask ourselves, “Why is the wild animal rearing its ugly head right now?”

Here are some tips to consider when dealing with egos:

1) When initially confronted with an ego, take a deep breath. This allows you to pause and not immediately react.

2) Try to quickly determine why the ego has emerged. Is this person feeling threatened, insecure, or uncomfortable?

3) Figure out if you can make the person feel more comfortable or secure. If the person you are dealing with has a sense of humor or is open to humor, this may be a good time to inject some laughter into the situation. It’s always best to make fun of yourself and not the person you are dealing with.

4) If possible, try to stand strong in the face of an ego. This does not mean engaging in battle with the ego, but it means not allowing the ego to eat you alive. Egos prey on any sign of weakness. If the ego knows you could be its next meal, it will surely try to eat you alive.

5) Without compromising yourself, determine if you can appease the ego. Maybe the ego has emerged because it doesn’t feel its needs are being met. Try to meet those needs if it seems feasible.

6) Finally, do not take the ego’s behavior personally. I find empathy is the best remedy when dealing with an ego. How unfortunate that someone has to spend a lifetime wearing protective armor?

Email Colleen Canney

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